Anxiety and the Need for Certainty

                                         

What are we really in control of?...

This is something that a lot of people struggle with, even those without anxiety disorders. There are many things in life that we have no control over: aging, loss, illness, traumatic experiences, natural disasters, other people’s reactions, and so on. Uncertainty can be scary, and feeling powerless is a horrible feeling. A lot of this comes from difficult experiences people have dealt with. Traumatic experiences can lead to someone feeling apprehensive and on guard all of the time, or they may feel inadequate and blame themselves for what happened.

There are some people in life that we often refer to as “control freaks,” who try to micromanage situations or other people around them. Or they exercise extreme self-control, such as a preoccupation with one’s physical health. They crave certainty and a sense of security. The problem is, the more you try to control your outer circumstances in life, the less in control you will feel because there is only so much you can do. It’s a vicious cycle.

How can you cope with these feelings?

Refocus your energy on what you can control: your attitude, your responses to other people and situations, who you surround yourself with, boundaries you set for other people, your schedule, what news or social media sources you look at, etc. When you have the power to choose your own outlook on life, you begin to learn what works best for you and how to take care of yourself. You rely on yourself and not so much on other people’s decisions or outside circumstances. As a result, your self-confidence increases and you feel more secure. You become naturally healthier as a result. We need to learn that, in reality, the only control we really have is over ourselves. Learning to accept both ourselves and other people unconditionally will help us to better interact with others and become more understanding. Everyone has something they are dealing with, so it’s important to develop compassion for other people and yourself.

I know this can be easier said than done (trust me!), which is why this way of thinking needs to be practiced over and over again until it begins to sink in and eventually becomes a habit. It’s really a life-long learning process because we will always be faced with new obstacles and difficult decisions to make. But remember, the more compassion you have towards yourself and others, the easier it will be (I know this from experience!).

At the end of the day, accept that you did your best and move on. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you may have made, forgive other people, and look at it all as a learning experience and an opportunity for growth and getting rid of old negative ways of thinking. Choose compassion, empathy and acceptance, and become empowered!